Why bother?
I have been asking myself this question a lot of times.
If she decides to live her life this way, let her be. Consequences? She will have to suffer it. There is nothing i can do or help.
It is irritating to know that you like to vent your anger at someone else. The innocent party have to suffer everything that you went through. FOR WHAT? Therefore, i always prefer to suffer everything by myself. This is also not the ultimate solution. The problems will be like a snow ball rolling around and become a big one. This is the sad part of life. This is the truth. No one wants to be the innocent party, no one wants to get the big snow ball.
I believe there is a way to get rid of the snow ball and not to become the innocent party. I do not how but i know when.
When we die,
people will then appreciate you.
people will realise the importance of your existence.
people will regret for doing nasty things to you.
people will praise you.
people will talk about you.
people will miss you.
people will feel lost.
people will know that you are unreplaceable .
people will love you .
This is sad but true. I knew that i am gonna die one day. However, knowing that only after i die, people will do these to you, i want to die early. But, will they even miss you? Probably or not even no.
I am not worth for them to miss?
Then, why am i still living?
To become someone that they will miss when i pass away.
I really miss my dad.
This really proves that he did a lot of stuff to make me miss him. I hate this fact but it just cannot be ignore. I hate to see people holding their father's hand. Why can't I? I got a lot of chances to do that before but i didn't. I got a lot of chances to do a lot of stuff but i didn't. Now, i can only be a cry baby and regret all the chances that i am given.
I was told to learn from the lesson. I should learn to treasure every monment that i have with my family and friends. On the second thought, i rather don't treasure the monment.
Why?
You are so close to the person but you can't be sure that you can love the person forever. I choose not to love, at least when the person is gone, you don't have to cry every night. I don't want to have really close friends. I am afraid to lose them. The feeling of losing loves one is horrible. It is so horrible that you wish you are the person who is dead than her.
I still remember that fateful night, how i make fun of him and force to do what i like. He is smiling and my mum is laughing. I forced him to bathe and go airport with me. He forced me to say that he is handsome. If second chance is given, i will not call him handsome. I will tell him to stay alive and wait for my children to call him handsome grandpa. The truth is there is no second chance and he is really gone.
People wonders why am i so strong and able to control my feeling?
I am not.
I want to cry all the times. I want to call him and tell him all the stupid test that my teacher gave it to me. I want to complain to him. I want to..
There is so many wants but i can't.
Nothing can stop my love for him. Nothing will bring me away.
Unless i die and meet him again.
