Goodbye to this world.

Why cry?

I thought i told myself not to cry before?

I did?

Then, why did i cry again?

It is really painful, telling myself that this is reality.

Reality is i had 3 Us for my mid year.

Reality is my father passed away.

Reality is my god-father passed away.

I kept telling myself that i am ok.

I am ok with reality.

It hit me hard but i thought i can handle it.

Today, i just realise that i could not handle these reality at all.

Who will be happy to get 3 Us?

Who will be happy that her father passed away?

Who will be happy that her god-father passed away ?

Who?

Who?

Who?

Please tell me who, k?

I will ask why is he or her so brave?

Because i know i am not.

They said that i am so strong.

I am not.

I need a shoulder to cry.

I need a time for myself.

I need help too.

I kept trying my best to hide myself.

I kept..

But i realise i cant, cause there is no reason to hide.

I cannot do the anything at all.

Practically, i am nothing at all.

Though i know that i cant say such things, i am a child of God.

He loves me.

He will not let me do sinful thing.

He will not..

However, i will repent after i do this thing.

I am so sorry.

I didnt mean to choose this road.

However, i guess this is the only way to stop the things in my life.

I only want to end this life.


Then,
no more pain,
no more suffering,
no more crying.

No mather what way i tried to end my life, please understand Lord, i am only a 17 years old girl who cannot stand her life and her family.

I didnt mean to choose this method but i guess there is no one on this earth who will support me or love me anymore.

Then, i will rather join you in heaven, knowing that you will love me.

Amen.