Reflection on 2011!!

I know i am too early but i got a lot of stuff to do for the next few days so i gonna be this early then!! HAHA! That is a super long sentence.

2011 to me is kind of..... boring? not really exciting as what i feel for other years? It is my resolution for 2012 to join all stuffs and try out NEW things :D (first thing for the year is CLUBBING!! YES LM, i am really going to try) ok ok! I am supposed to talk about my 2011!

Though it is a boring year, i definitely learnt several life lesson and gained new perspective in things. (the korean drama which is playing now is very irritating. the parents always objected the marriage of the children! then the couple fight and blah... haiz..! )

To keep things short, i will sum 2011 into 3 points?

1. A level result! This totally prove that how hard you study doesnt mean your result will prove it. My result seriously sucks and it is first time in my life that i am standing at a junction. For my other friends, it seems so easy for them. They receive acceptance letters and even have choices to make between all the university in Singapore. ME? I cant do anything till to my GP, though i kept telling other people that i am ok and fine. In actual fact, i am just upset and unhappy. However, i came to a point that the university doesnt matter but the courses you choose and what you want to choose matter. I dont want to get into a university just because the name of university is nice. I just want to get good grades and go to my dream job which is a finance industry or economist? :D ( that's part of the reason why i dont want to choose peking university. i think study chinese is really not my path) ANYWAY, i got what i want, my economics and finance, i am gonna strive hard and work my way to LSE for master :D FIRST CLASS HONOURS, HERE I COMEE!

2. friendship. I guess at different point of life, you will start to realise that not all friendships really have friend forever. However, there are some friendships that can grew stronger and even better. 2011, is the year where i started to connect to all my sec school buddy and had stronger bond with them. (LM,LY, ZY, SP, EM, CJ and more) Though we didnt really talk during our jc years, we are still able to talk and share our secrets with each other. Of course, i met new friends in my university and start to socialise. They really taught me a lot of stuff like all the brands and things. I really hope that we can continue to be good buddy for outing and even in studying too :P

There are always 2 sides of views for everything. Friendship is definitely one of them. I know it is quite irrational to say this thing. However, since the person is frankly a open person, i guess the person will not mind. Even if she does mind, i hope she dont take this as personal attack cause i just want to say it from my view. This is really my first time facing two friends that i know and broke up with each other. What i really know is that, i dont know how to face the two parties. I mean i dont mind sitting though to listen to your side of the story but the only person who willing express the feeling of how he felt is one person. Another party? I am totally unaware of it. I tried my best not to put any judgment to it until i hear your side of story. Sadly, i did not know anything until the recent confrontation. I dont know if your new friends are as great as you thought they are, but i am just upset that our two years of friendship is just to avoid awkwardness and dont want to burden us with your stuff. Maybe all these are my complaints but i dont really care!!

3. family and God! It is really been a while since i really prayed and everything. This year, i decided not to go cell group at all. My cell group leader has been calling and really wanna do a closure with me but i am just reluctant to do it. I am being childish. YES! But have they really thought about how we feel? We are thrown everywhere and finally to the adult cell group which after that they hope to throw us to the school cell group. It is like everywhere as if we dont belong to anything. I dont blame God but i care how they ignore our feelings and insisted that we must still attend the cell group though half of the time we dont understand what are they talking about! So, i left and decided to just be alone?

My family members are really great and helpful. Actually, they are the one who pull me though my difficult times! They are the ones who really shown me my other choices of university and supported my decisions :D Thanks for showing me the care and concern i need :D LOVE YOU :DD

All in all, i will look forward to 2012! It will be a better year filled with love, hope and laughter :DD

(gonna post my resolution on 1 jan :D and celebrate my bd on 24 jan :DD)

WEIRD~

This is seriously bothering me, so i decided to blog about it.

I was told that army life is very boring. Ok.. I dont deny it even though i never been though it. Anyway, my main point is my friend came up with a theory that if they cant find a girl to sms for another 52 weeks which is a year, then army life will be super sucky! This is by far, the weirdest theory i ever heard of!

I understand how sms-ing someone will keep you entertained because you get to talk to someone. BUT, by using a talk with girl to be accompanied during your army life, it is like very bad! OR can I just say that a jerk will do that? I mean, what will happened after that? You get your entertainment and the girl get disturbed! Are we paid to entertain you? Are we even oblige to entertain you? Then if the conversation gets boring, the guys will give up and eventually the girl will also give up.

WAIT.

From the guy's view, it will "the girl must be bored and dont want to talk to me anymore/ I see no future with this girl/ this girl is really boring and we has nothing to talk already" . Then, how about the girl part? I bet the guys never really bother to walk in our shoes? I dont mind if you entertain me with jokes or some interesting stuff but NOT EVERY SINGLE MOMENT of the day! (personal view.. some girls may prefer another way but i dont understand how they live with it.) Instead of telling how boring your army life, cant you be more positive about army or even life?

Haiz...

OH YA. The best part is he compare the "sms life span" he had with this girl to another girl. Are girls item or even like food? We got expiry date from you? There must be a reason why we stop talking to you. Instead of saying that it is our fault, why cant it be both party problem? We got a life and we need to move on. I bet the next moment you will just want to find another girl to continue to entertain you. Then what are we? It's ok for guys to keep talking to different girls. Why is it not ok for girl to talk to different guys too?

Next time, when you want to talk to a girl during army life, make sure she is the one that you are looking for. Dont google for girls and keep all the results in multiple tabs. We aint someone who you can choose to close the tab. We also have the right to switch the com and make you lose all the results!

HAHAHAHA!

finally, i dont feel so troubled by it anymore :D

what am i doing?

i just realised that i always complain to other how fake you are.

In fact, the real faker is me.

I act in front of you as if I treat you as my best friend but in actual fact i dont want you to be. Am i doing it for everyone or i am just tired to fight with you anymore? I dont understand how can you carry on with your life. You like to scold your friends and complain about them in front of others. I wonder do you do that to me too? Act in front of me and then complain to others. I am really scared that truth is overpowering me. Can you just leave my life? Can stop making the scars more distinct? I avoid talking to you, avoid having conversation to you. I dont live in your world, why must i obey your rules? Leave me alone, maybe everything will be better. Then, i no need to be faker anymore. I dont need to express my unhappiness to other people. It will then not longer be vicious cycle!

心也有累的时候，

它害怕再次受伤，

所以它选择逃避。

也许，

离开是我们最好的抉择。、

i am just bored ;D

爱情就像是一列火车，你在站台上错过了这一班，总觉得不要紧还有下一班，于是等阿等，才发现刚才经过的就是最后一班。所以，遇上了就请珍惜，不要错过。——《全球热恋》

错误的爱情就像坏死的肌肉一样，一定要早日切除，虽然会痛不欲生，但是唯一活命的机会.

如果两个人走不到最后，再美好的过程，你会巴不得它是一片空白。

宁静

夜深人静，一个人，

才发现，宁静在陪伴我。

原来，一个人并不孤单，

只是寂寞会来找你你聊天。

寂寞走了，宁静还没走，

至少痛苦没有来敲门。

无所事事时，最怕想念，

因为她总是和后悔在一起。

每次看到她们，苦恼会出现。

他不解他们为何总是苦着脸。

我也想知道答案，就问了珍惜，

他给了回忆的相簿。

我把回忆的照片看了一遍，

有快乐跟我一起的合照。

笑容帮我化了妆，

幸福是我们的背景。

灿烂阳光，一个人

却了解，宁静已感动了我。

如果有一天

如果有一天，我们再次遇见。。

你会跟我挥手，还是默默地走开？

也许我们的相遇是偶遇，但也可以是一种天意。

因为人与人的遇见，总需要一点缘份。

挥手，是礼貌。

走开，也是礼貌。

你可能已经忘了我们的开始。

我却无法记得我们的结束。

曾经的笑容，温暖的问候及无理的吵闹

填满的回忆，湿透的纸巾和痛苦的沉默

逃避成为我的避风港

我承认

懦弱是我的坚持

不是因为我害怕

是我不要再有另一个人受伤害

多余的言语只会

成为误会的机会

所以，我放弃。

若再继续，恐怕连甜蜜的回忆都会成为恶魔的礼物。

我希望我的弃权是解脱

让你没有理由再把我当成笑话

下次见面，

你不用选择。

因为我会先走开。

假装也许是最厉害的武器

每个人都戴着一张面具

伪装真实的自己

等待另一个人倒下后

再把面具拿下

拼命地将盐撒在伤口上

每个人都戴着一张面具

收藏着自己的感情

不会轻易掉泪

因为泪水成为懦弱的表现

坚强的外表是空虚的城墙

每个人都戴着一张面具

表情是假的 心是真的

隐瞒着自己的想法

为了是不值的面子

捍卫的是别人眼中的自己 还是自己眼中的别人

每个人都戴着一张面具

不容许别人拿下自己的面具

却喜欢拿下别人的面具

或许世上唯一的游戏是找面具后面的自己

不是别人找到你 是自己找到自己

我的面具

我的伪装

我不知道

简讯。爱

两个素不相识的陌生人，
因为一则简讯，
而开始了不凡的人生旅程。

他是她要找的好情人？
还是，
她是他要的好朋友？

第一回(Melody)

真是一个莫名其妙的下午，无端端就和一个陌生人聊了起来。
起初，我还以为他是我的好朋友，故意来恶整我。所以，我就配合他。但后来，我发现他真的对我一无所知时，才相信他不认识我。
这可能就是所谓的缘份吧！他刚好失恋，而我又有空当他的听众。
说也奇怪，他为了找人诉苦，就乱按了八号码。就这样，一切就从那则简讯而开始。

"为什么要离开我？你已偷走我的心。为什么不要负责任呢？"

这个人是不是有毛病？我又不是小偷，而且心脏有这么容易就能拿出来吗？看在本姑娘有时间的份上，就指点你一下吧！

"哈哈，我不是小偷。所以不能负责任。诺你不满你的心被偷，就报警。我相信警察会尽力帮你的"

"警察？爱情也有警察的话，就希望他们能把所有的爱情骗子给抓起来。"

"爱情怎么可能会有骗子？你是心甘情愿地爱他，你就不应该强求他会爱回你。所以，没有骗不骗，只有真爱还是假爱。"

"我真的爱她，为她付出了这么多。最终得到是一场空。"

"爱情本来就没有回报。你把爱情当投资？"

这个人真的太自私吧！只为自己着想，却没有为对方着想。

"那她当初就不答应我的求婚，我就不必这么伤心了。"

其实，他也蛮可怜的。爱一个人能爱得那么深。真希望自己是那个女人。

"或许，她有什么苦衷，所以不能和你结婚。你就不要太伤心了。你这么痴情，一定会找到更好的。"

＂我不要找到更好的。我想当她的守护天使。只要她开心，我就开心了。"
我默默地祝福他。希望他真的替她找到她要的幸福。
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他爱她，
所以他守护着她。
我可怜他，
所以我陪着他。

第二回(Melody)

一加一是二

诺爱情也可以照这个理论，
世界会不会少了失恋，多了幸福？
两个相爱的人就在一起。
没有移情别恋，
没有第三者，
也没有所谓的分手。

但是，事实是你爱的人，不一定会爱上你。
他爱的人也不会是你。爱情并没有一加一是二的道理。

就像他们一样，他以为他是她的惟一。
但是在结婚前，她才发现自己并不爱他。

所以，她悔婚了。

他应该觉得庆幸，
至少他在结婚前知道真相。
她也应该觉得开心，
因为她没有嫁给她不爱的男人。

命运就是这么愚弄人，
当你以为幸福来了，
它却悄悄地走了。

我理解他的感受，所以我愿意陪他，听他的心事。
或许，我也曾希望自己寂寞时，有一个可以倾诉的对象。
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为了爱，
我听她的话。
为了爱，
我骗了她。

第三回(Alex)

我不知道我所做的一切是否是对的。她要我这么做，我就会去这么做。
诺爱一个人会失去理性，那我真的疯了。我爱她，所以会不顾一切地去满足她的要求，甚至是伤害别人。

我不知道是她变了，
还是，
我爱疯了。

刚认识她时，她是一个开朗的女生。我喜欢上她爽朗的个性，更爱上她的笑容。一直以来，我都相信她所说的话。这可能就是爱吧！
自从她提出这个计划后，她开始变了，她变成了我不认识的她。迷人的笑容，善良的个性，全都消失。

瞬间，
我所认识的她好像走了。
是我多疑了吗？
但是，
我愿意听她的话，
因为我真的很爱她。
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面具，
是一种伪装。
她的面具，
是一种假装。

第四回(Alex)

为什么？

我知道她不是她，却仍决定帮她。我帮她实现她的复仇计划。接近她，对她好，让她爱上我，然后在抛弃她。

这么简单却伤人的计划，我同意了。

为什么？

在那善良的面孔，藏着不畏人知的一面。
我发现了，并没有醒来。
爱就有这股能耐，能够让人忘了人性。

她真的很可怜。
我却不能去同情。
我的所做所为是对的吗？

我不知道，也不想知道。
只要最终能得到她的爱，就是值得的。
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缘分来了，
是谁说的？
爱情来了，
是你告诉我的。

第五回(Melody)
已经几天了，我们仍然处于聊天状态。你告诉我今天她做了什么，而你又怎么帮助她。我只是默默作你聆听的对象。或许看太多的爱情故事，我偶尔也会想象。
我会想象我是她。
我会想象守护天使。
我会想他如何帮助她，
我会想象他爱的人是我。
我会想象。。。 。。。
所以，为了这个单纯的想象，我愿意花时间和精神。我愿意赌上一个奇迹。我相信你的守护会有回报。她会明白你的心意，而再次回到你的身边。

如果世界只有相信，
会不会将复杂变得简单？
因为有了相信，
就没有怀疑，
更没有迟疑。

人与人之间，
会不会少了距离，
多一点关心？

倘诺他爱的人是我，
那该有多好？
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爱情是一场赌注。
只有赢或输，
他输了她，
却赢了我。

第六回(Melody)

“你觉得我做得对不对？”

“。。。 。。。”

我从来没有见过你的未婚夫。我怎么可能会知道你解除婚约是不是对的。

“只要你选择的是你爱的人，我没有意见。”

“我就知道我没有做错的选择。JERRY 的性格比他好。你知道吗？那天，JERRY。。。 。。。”

“你有没有在听？”

“我在听，你就继续说吧！”

我的好朋友兴奋地说她的新男朋友有多好。如果她已确定自己的选择，那又何必说这么多话来肯定自己呢？
我倒是可怜她的前未婚夫，因为有这样的未婚妻才会有如此的下场。
这么一想，他和他的情况十分相似。
唉！ 这世界有这么多失恋的人？
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人性是什么？
是同情，
还是原谅？

第七回(Alex)

跟她聊了几天，我发现她其实是个善良的女生，并没有她所说的那么坏。
她喜欢与别人聊天。她会画画，也会跳舞。
她很糊涂，常常忘记刚做的事。
她很善良，就算不认识我，也肯听我的故事。

她为何恨她？
喜欢把她说地一文不值，又喜欢把自己说地很可怜。
我到底应该同情她还是她？

我不知道，
我只知道，
我好像爱上另一个她。
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我坚信，
你没变，
是我变了。

第八回(Alex)

“Jerry 是谁？”

“他是我的好朋友。”

“就朋友而已？”

“对！不要胡思乱想！我们的计划进展如何？她爱上你了吗？”

“我不确定，但是我们每天都有联络。”

“那就好，我看每当她提起你，就会笑得合不嚨嘴。她好像喜欢上你了！ 不如趁热打铁，跟她表白。”

“真的要这么做？”

“当然，我们不是说好了吗？”

“我。。。 。。。”
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爱情的价值，
是用什么来衡量？
值不值得，
又是谁来决定？

第九回(Alex)
从他的简讯中，我好像交了一个新朋友。我知道这个新朋友喜欢吃什么，看什么，甚至怕什么，她的性格爽快，爱说什么就说什么。所以，他总是得出现，帮她打圆场。
诺可以的话。我真的应该去跟她做个朋友。
只是这个所谓的朋友应该是我要面对的情敌吧！

知己知彼，百战百胜！哈哈！

若有一个男人肯像他一样，这么爱我，我一定用我的一生去爱回他。

我爱上了他？
他成为聊天的对象，每次看到他的简讯，嘴角不自觉地翘了。每天都期待他的简讯，等待能与他聊天的时刻。
Sandy 说我爱上他了。

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告白的那一刻，
风停了，
云不飘，
幸福的钟声响了。

第十回(Melody)

从相识到见面不到一年，我们就在一起了。这样的恋情，我相信一般人都不会接受吧。
我牵着你的温暖的左手，听着你的mp3，闻着快乐。这一刻，我希望时间会暂停。就算回忆只剩下那份温暖，那首歌和那个味道；我都会欣然接受。

这是我的第一次。
第一次，有人温暖了我的手。
第一次，有人动了我的唇。
第一次，看恐怖片，能够拉着别人的袖子，握紧别人的手。
第一次，下雨时，无需一个人淋湿。
第一次，寂寞时，能够打电话向别人投诉。
第一次，有一个人真心爱我。

我很开心，也很满足。但是，为什么你的脸上有着不安的表情呢？

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

被骗的人，
骗别人的人，
有什么不同？
都一样是受伤的人。

第十一话 (Alex)

她很天真，很可爱，让我很辛苦，又痛苦。

"可以不要继续计划了吗？"

"为什么？"

"我觉得不应该这样对待她。"

"我是无所谓，但是你不要忘记你的工作是谁推荐的。毁约是要付出代价的。"

"我。。。 。。 "
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你哭了，
我痛了。
是我的脸痛，
还是心在痛？

第十二话 (Alex)

她哭了！
这是我第一次看到她在我的面前落泪。

我未曾看过她伤心的面孔。她总是笑嘻嘻地地看着我。我还以为她就是开朗无忧的！

我伤了她的心，也伤了我的心。我的心出现了一个洞。她眼泪就像是我的心所流出的血一样，好多好痛！

为什么看着她伤心的离开，
我的脸并不痛，
而是心痛呢？

难道她没有打到我的脸颊，还是她的巴掌太轻了？

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黑与白，
爱与同情，
我看不清楚，
也不想知道。

第十三话 （Melody）

看着他一脸的愧疚，我不明白为什么他要骗我？
若他爱的是sandy， 为什么要跟我告白？

我哭了，Sandy却笑了。
她不是我所认识的她。
她变得好恐怖！我开始怕她。
我要离开这个灰色地代。

一瞬间，我失去了几十年的好朋友。我也失去了我爱的人。心真的好痛好苦。眼泪流了再多，也掩饰不了那颗伤痕累累的心。

我累了。付出了真心，
得到的却是一把伤到自己的刀。
我相信世界上没有比我更笨的人。

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好开心，
好复杂，
我说的好，
是真的好不好？

第十四回 （Melody）

Jerry 与 Sandy 分手了。他等了我一个晚上，就为了解释他所爱的人是我。

Jerry， 一个儿时朋友，去了美国这么久，却还记得我！他眉飞色舞地将事情的来龙去脉告诉我。原来，他不是故意要骗我，也已辞职了。

为了我，他付出了这么多。我真的懂他的爱是多么的踏实！但是，心中的感动却胜不了那一次的羞辱！我爱他，但只爱当时的那一个他。

我要忘记他。面对迎面而来的挑战，我只会选择逃！

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幸福的地图，
我迷路了，
找不到出口，
也看不到天空。

第十五话 （Alex）

我不接她的电话。
我却想电话给另一她。
我怕她不会接我的电话，更怕她会一个人哭。

难道我就像她所说的一样，我爱上她了？
我看着她的Facebook, 阅读着她的blog，心理默默的祝福着她。我只要你快乐，幸福。

我不在你的身边，你要坚强！
我无法保护你，你要懂得如何照顾自己。
我好希望有一个机器人，让它替我照顾你！

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安全感，
终究是你要的。
安全感，
终究是我不能给的。

第十六回 （Alex）

听到那则消息后，我呆了。或许，我连呆的资格也没有。你的决定是对的，他比我好一百倍。我相信他能给你幸福。

幸福？

这是我曾给你的承诺。

那天你问我，若有一天，我只能给你一样东西，我会给你什么？我说："幸福"。

你听了后，哭了！
我不知所措，只能帮你擦眼泪。
你的眼泪见证我的承诺。我们的无语成了那晚的结局。

你不说话，是因为你认为我不可能给你幸福？
还是，你太感动，所以不敢回答？
我猜不到你的回应，也不敢问你的感想。

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失落，
失恋，
失去第一次爱的感觉，
是多么地心痛。

第十七话 （Melody）

原来，失去爱的人是多么痛的感觉！
以前，朋友失恋时，都会去喝酒。她们希望能灌醉自己，忘记那一段感情。
而我也只会常常安慰她们，告诉她们旧的不去，新的不来。

旧的不去，新的真不会来。
但是，我只要旧的！我不要新的！
他不是我的男朋友而已！他是我的惟一！
我终于了解到她们所感受到的痛。

太阳依然升起，夜晚依然要降临。人们照常地上班，马路的车依然不少。惟独我的身边少了一个他，少了一个可靠的肩膀。

眼泪流了多少，心痛了几次，数不清，也不想知道。
我们的爱真的就这样结束？

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幸福很简单，
你爱我，
我爱你，
那就是幸福了。

第十八话 （Melody）

穿着白色婚纱，拿着美丽的鲜花，这是我从小就向往的情景。镜子里的我，似乎不是我。不知道是那个浓妆，还是紧张的关系，我感到十分不自在。

我的选择是对的。
我的选择一定是对的。
我反复的告诉自己像是要考试的小孩，拼命地记下对的答案。

对的答案？
他是对的人吗？

这是所谓的结婚恐惧症吗？不是，我害怕的不是结婚，而是。。。 。。。
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教堂的钟声，
白色的墙壁，
淡淡的香草，
你是我的对的人吗？

第十九回 （Melody）

Jerry 对我很好。
我说什么，只要是他能办得到的，他就会尽力办到。

基本上，世界上没有他办不到的事。他是德氏集团主席的唯一儿子，又是一名医生。我说我要新的包，他立刻去买。我说我要吃法国餐，他会去定位。我说我喜欢大大的花园，他就找了园丁在我们的新家种花。

我很无理，也很霸道。
他却总是笑嘻嘻地说我很可爱。他对我越好，让我觉得更对不起他。

我曾问他，诺有一天，他只能给我一样东西，他会给我什么？
他说： "幸福。"

这句话好熟悉，似乎有人也曾说过。
同样的话，不同的心情，我对他的心不是珍惜，而是可怜。为什么他要对我这样好？

爱应该是这样吗？
找到一个爱你多过你爱他的人就能停下来吗？
我到底在犹豫什么，期待什么呢？

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小手拉大手，
走向幸福广岛。
两颗心，
不再有距离。

第二十回（Alex）

原来幸福没有抛弃我，它一直都在我的左右。这些日子，我忙于沉浸在悲伤里，无视它的存在。

你认为她快乐吗？
她真的幸福吗？
你曾答应过的幸福，你给了吗？
这个故事没有我的角色了，但是女主角心目中的王子是谁，你应该知道。
不要在认为你放弃了，只有你在伤心，你有没有想过她的感受？

那天，Sandy 到办公室来找我，把我给吓坏了。她丢下这几句就走了。她骂醒了我，自己的幸福应该由自己去掌握。

这一次，
我不要再让谁来阻挠我，
我要回我的爱，
就算它曾是错爱。


------------------------------（结束〉---------------------------------------------

APRIL SIMPLY SUCKS

Like my title, april simply sucks!

I didn't receive any uni letter. I feel damm sucky about it. Sometimes, i wonder will it be better if i didn't go to JC. However, if i didn't go to JC, i will not know my passion for economics and miss out a lot of great people that i knew in JC. In any case, what is done is done. I will just pray for the best. I had already applied for SIM. Some of my friends think that i applied too early but if i don't apply now, i will have to wait till next year. I don't want to work for so long, i rather go and study!! My family even wanted me to go and apply another two australia university. Anyway, i called and they said that with my grade ( looking at H2s only) , i will definitely get in. So, i should just wait for my application for University of London first then see whether i need to apply for another two unis. Kind of kiasu but i am doing what i like which is ECONS :DD It is so much better than just filfulling the path of going to uni but in a course that i don't like. "Do what you want. what you like" That is what my sisters kept telling me. They said that it's ok that the school fee is ex or i need to study longer. As long as i am doing what i like, all other things doesn't matter. GREAT FAMILY rite? :D

April is a like a shopping month. As long i didn't receive any news on that day, i will need to buy something like food or clothes to console myself. HAHA~ So practically, i brought many stuffs over this whole month. I brought three dresses, bracelet, shoes and many many more~ I feel like a shopaholic and i like it :D

Work is fun as usual, especially when i am doing part-time now. :D Work for lesser hours and earn more :D I am thinking of getting another part-time but still losing that movtivation to find one. HAHA~ I guess i should just be contented with one jobs then.

Friends? I really have no ideas about it. I talked to my family and other friends. They gave me different different advice. Sometimes, i don't even know who should i listen to. Maybe one of them is right, when i don't feel good, i should not tell anyone, just bury it somewhere will do. However, what are friends if we don't share our unhappiness? It will be just a group of people wearing a smile masks and kept laughing. I am good at pretending that i am happy, however it is unfair to those who i really treasured. I can put on a smile to entertain the world but the world will never put on a smile to entertain me. Unfair but true. Anyway, i came to this conclusion, i can't be your perfect friend but i can be perfectly me. I am who i am, if you can't accept it then just get out of my life. You can talk all you want about me, pretending that you know all about my life but the truth is you never bother to know me or even concern about my life. So, you just continue your way of living and i will be on my way to mine. THANK YOU!

I believed friends should never listen what others said about you and judge you. They see what you did and believed that you are what they see. In this case, i felt bad towards someone. She actually didn't do much but after lots of talking or discussions, she got a image of a bad person. I felt bad that i judge her based on what others told me. I should just continue to believe in what i see in her. Haiz.. If life is going to be like this, so be it.

All in all, i am quite excited for my uni life. Actually, i brought a lot of dresses for it :D So, it's better to be economics course and a good uni then :D

Mrach just passed

Mr March was gone without me realising it. So, miss April is here. Haiz.. It is quite a troublesome month. At first, i thought it will be fun meeting all my friends and going chalets. It was then i realised i didnt really wanna go chalet. However, i have no idea what to say or should i just continue with the idea. I have no idea whether i know you or not. I guess my presence doenst make differences to you.

Work? I think it sucks and wonderful as well. I got lovely students who made my day and troublesome students who caused me so tired. Thanks God that i am working part-time, so i will find more time to enjoy then.

Uni? I didnt receive any acceptance yet. I am so freaking scared that my result is so sucking. But hey, i kept telling myself that at least Peking uni accepted me. Worse come to worse, i will just go beijing and study. There are even friends from other school contacted me and asked if i wanna stay in the same apartment as them. I dont mind but i dont know whether i can survive in Beijing. This is seriously the toughest two weeks that i gonna go through.

All in all, i can only conclude that April is a month of decision. Practically, the fate of my four or three years will be depends on these two weeks. However, i believed in God's plan and i will prosper as long as i listene to Him. God, please show me your plan clearly! I am quite blind and blur so reveal it to me k? :D


I hope this month will pass smoothly :D

Two years of hard work = nothing

SUPER SIANZ..

Finally, I understand that not all the hard work will be paid off. I spend so much time on my gp and in the end, I still did not pass! WHAT IS THIS? I just feel like scolding all the bad words that i know to the WORLD. The best part is my sister still doubt that I did not work hard enough. WHAT THE! She did not even take A level and still dares to critise me? WHATEVER LA~

I still need to face reality. I failed and need to stand up again. What the point of getting A for my economics when i failed my gp? It simply sucks when i knew that i cannot really apply for any course. It is easy to say that apply for chinese course and that's it. However, is that what i really want to do? Be a teacher or just someone doing chinese job? I love to study economics and somehow find it easier than other subjects! My sister questioned that and even forced me to think about it first. Who is she to ask about it? My father chose her course and she is doing well now. For me, i need to find all informations and do it alone. When i made my decision, she just kept saying no. Come on, my dad work super hard to send you to uni. Now that he is gone, why not you be the one to work hard? It is not as if that i cannot study or i do not like to mug! The point is you are just not willing to send me there.

Why?

I am super eager to study there. At least, i got a new environment to start something new. Expenses and adaptation, i need time and chance to try right? If i do not have the chance, how do even know that i cannot? You insist that i am always in my comfort zone and will not be able to survive. Even if i studied in Singapore, i am still in my comfort zone. What are the differences?

I think i will take a lot of time to get over it.


GP SUCKS!

Awesome January

It has been an awesome January!

My birthday BBQ, end of A level, no mugging life and start of work! Chinese new year is coming! Haha~ I am just being random! Thanks for the great presents! I had new wallet, ear pieces and bag :D these are what I need for university! Lol.. I am quite prepared to go for university. Like what my mum said, in any case, I will get to university. Even my result sucks, I will just go Australia to study. Easy come, easy go! Don't be jealous!

I wanna talk about my cute students! Though they like to make me angry and bully me, but they are still very nice to me. I can feel the Lear ing passion in them. I guess my senior teacher was kind of shock when she see that my students participate so much in class. Haha! Feel knd of proud when I heard my students scoring A for their subjects :D today, I even heard students asking their friends to come for tuition because of the change Teacher which is me! Haha! Hearing students joke and saying bye bye to me, even though I am not teaching them that day, I feel satisfacted and awesome! Love it when students yeah because I am their teacher for the day! I start to wonder whether I should quit at April! Haiz... Tough choices!

Anyway, CNY is here!


All i got to say are words that you dont understand. Friends are people are that i treasured. I love to have many friends because i know there are many great people. There are also a lot of different people. Some people are just not the way you want them to be. What can i say? I really treasured our friendship and if this thing end like that, there is nothing i can do. It takes two hands to clap. Come on, if you know me for so long, you should know better than other, who am I. Words, can be distraction but i believe time will make you realise what is really going on.

喜欢

有一种感觉，它很特别。
因为只有你知道，其他人感觉不到。
当它来的时候，你一定会知道。

这感觉很独特，因为唯独他/她在时，它才出现。
它使不自觉地感到快乐。
它让你做出反常的举动。

我所说的就是喜欢的感觉。


喜欢与爱不同，
我喜欢你不代表我爱你。

但是，
喜欢与爱又有一个灰色地带。

if only history can repeat, i will change some part of it.
i regret not letting the truth out but i know i am too late already.

2011~ :D

Yo!!! HAHA~ The time is 9.52 AM :D I am still awake and able to write this post. Today is 1/1/11 :D My favourite number 1111~ (ok la, one digit lesser but who cares)
I am really very excited to write this post because

1) I can't sleep though i didn't sleep for the past 20 hours :D
2) I am supposed to fall asleep like from the hangover but i am very very sober.
3) I just cleared my dog's pee which i think is better than the YC's puke~
4) I still need to wait for the lanudry and think of ways to hang those clothes.
5) I just found out that i didnt write new year resolution!! ( this is really bad! i didnt set it for 2010 and kind of upset about it!)

2011 countdown was kind of special. I didnt celebrate it in my house like i always do for the past 17 years. I went to friend's house or rooftop(to be specific) to celebrate. HAHA~ Other than that, it is also my first time, counting down with so many guys. (I am NOT a flirt but this is really my first time.) It was enjoyable with lot of alcoholic drinks. HAHA~ People truly found out how good i am as a drinker. Though my skins are easily red, but it only took a while for me to be sober. So, my alcoholic level is actually quite good :D Not something to be proud of, but i will still feel happy about it!

We had several talking sessions and i feel like WOW~ there are so much things that i need to think about when i am older. I remenbered a particular talking sesion which actually i am not involved but still stayed to hear. To be truthful, i didnt really worry about A level result. I mean, you took the exam and the result will be like that. The more i worry, the more i cant do anything. What is done, is done. Nothing can change. This probably due to my believe in God, i will trust everything i did to God. It will be all part of his plan. If i did well, i praise God. If i didnt, it is just one of the obstacle that God wants me to go through. If this is considered as optimistic, then i am! :D What choices do i have? Just go to overseas university like all my other siblings loh~

Another take away from the countdown, i seriously HATE smokers. I accept you as my friend but i will hate you when you are a smoker. When you told me, the reason is people change. I am like OK.. Why cant people change it for a better? What does smoking bring to you? JOY? HAPPINESS? It is nothing but a coupon ticket to cancer funfair! Your problems will not be gone because you smoke. You also dont look any cooler because you smoke! I hate that sinko smell that stuck to you and hate it more when you show that smoking is like nothing to me face! I really told you and advice you not to smoke. If you going to do that in other gatherings, SORRY! I gonna hate you! If you want to forget your problems, i dont mind drinking with you, let you have a chance to just talk all your problems. BUT... I will NEVER EVER advice you to smoke! So, for once, you can stop smoking for love; can you also stop smoking for friends?

that's all for countdown! time for resolutions!

2011 NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS :D

1) Read bible and do quiet time ( this is simple to say but difficult to do especially when you are in a non-christian home)
2) Spend more time with family! ( since i like to organise outing for friends, i should start to organise it for my family too~)
3) i gonna learn DANCE :D hip hop or something like that!
4) i wanna to be volunteer in some events :D
5) i gonna save money and buy macbook! :D
6) i gonna complete my driving test and get a license :D
7) i gonna get into a good university course~
8) i need to clear my closet and get some new dresses~
9) i gonna be tourist and visit all parts of Singapore like Singapore flyer~
10) i gonna know some good guys and hope to find my prince from there~
11) i gonna eat more salmon( which is like i always do :D )

2011~ So, it will be 11 resolutions then! :D